{"id":7657,"date":"2024-08-01T05:22:44","date_gmt":"2024-08-01T05:22:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/?p=7657"},"modified":"2024-08-01T05:22:45","modified_gmt":"2024-08-01T05:22:45","slug":"if-youre-waiting-until-marriage-to-have-sex-heres-how-to-tell-your-dates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/?p=7657","title":{"rendered":"If You’re Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex, Here’s How To Tell Your Dates"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If You’re Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex, Here’s How To Tell Your Dates<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

alking about sex isn\u2019t necessarily the most comfortable thing to do while you\u2019re still getting to know someone. Yet talking about not<\/em> having sex isn\u2019t any easier, particularly in the early stages of dating. If you\u2019re waiting until marriage to have sex<\/a>, that\u2019s a stance that any prospective partners should be made aware of, given that physical intimacy and personal values play such a massive role in compatibility. But how should you tell your dates about your decision? Take a deep breath \u2014 because experts say it\u2019s totally possible to minimize the potential awkwardness of this convo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

First, however, let\u2019s get one thing straight. There\u2019s nothing wrong with delaying sex until you say \u201cI do,\u201d just as there\u2019s nothing wrong with engaging in (safe) casual sex<\/a> well before walking down the aisle. Only you get to define what sex means to you, and when the right time is to enjoy it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pinpointing the reason you\u2019re waiting is helpful because it will allow you to clearly and confidently communicate your choice. This can give your date some more context and insight about you as a person. It can also help to reinforce your decision in your own mind, reminding you of your values and allowing you to stay strong in a vulnerable situation. While articulating your choice, be careful not to express any judgment if your date has a different opinion on sex before marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"
Shutterstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Joshua Klapow<\/a>, a clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show, <\/em>suggests having that conversation before you get physical. If things are already starting to get heated and you stop to tell your date that you\u2019re waiting for marriage to have sex<\/a>, that may feel like a rejection in the moment \u2014 and getting this news after becoming aroused may trigger negative responses out of insecurity or frustration. That\u2019s not to say that bringing up your stance at any point in time warrants a hurtful reaction. No one should ever make you feel badly about your choice, no matter when you choose to express it. Still, when you share your choice in a non-sexual environment, it may be easier for your date to think clearly and react rationally, authentically, and respectfully.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There’s no need to bring it up on a first date if it feels forced or uncomfortable, either. Jill Vandor, executive matchmaker at LunchDates<\/a> recommends having this convo on the second or third date \u2014 or whenever you feel that things are starting to ramp up physically. For example, if they invite you back to their place<\/a>, you can let them know you\u2019d love to keep hanging, while still setting the expectation from the get-go that you won\u2019t be sleeping together. Whenever you choose to have it, both experts agree it should happen face to face rather than over text or a phone call. That way, you can avoid any potential miscommunications or misunderstandings that could make the discussion more difficult than it needs to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep in mind that you can\u2019t control your date\u2019s reaction to this news. They may not be on the same page about delaying sex until marriage, and that\u2019s OK. Just as you have the right to wait, they have the right to walk away if they know they can\u2019t join you in that endeavor. Just because you’ve had a couple of phenomenal dates with them doesn’t mean they’re a perfect match for you<\/em> \u2014 because having dramatically different views on sex suggests you may simply not be compatible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"
bbernard\/Shutterstock<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Given that there are so many different interpretations of intimacy, Dr. Klapow also suggests clearly defining what you\u2019re waiting for marriage to engage in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDo not be vague,\u201d he tells Elite Daily. \u201cPeople use the term sex to refer to anything from heavy petting to oral intimacy or intercourse. So, it\u2019s critical that you and your partner clearly understand via a spoken conversation what you consider to be sex.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It may feel awk to get into the nitty-gritty of what you are and aren\u2019t willing to do, but it\u2019s worth being specific as possible. In doing so, you set clear boundaries<\/a> and give your date the opportunity to assess how they feel about moving forward. Also, while you\u2019re letting your date know what you won\u2019t do, it can be helpful to emphasize what you would like to do. <\/strong>Reminding them that physical intimacy is not confined to intercourse sets parameters for what\u2019s OK, but it also facilitates a larger discussion about what makes you feel good. There are so many other ways to get closer to someone<\/a> beyond having sex, and focusing on those is a great way to turn a potentially uncomfortable conversation into a positive one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

also read<\/a><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you feel super uncomfortable approaching this topic, here\u2019s a bit of reassurance: Talking about any facet of intimacy can feel weird for almost anyone, regardless of their philosophy on sex before marriage. Fortunately, experts agree that practice makes perfect. So, don\u2019t be afraid to do a trial run of this convo before actually having it. Dr. Klapow recommends writing out and rehearsing what you plan to say, while Vandor suggests role-playing the convo with your bestie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If You’re Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex, Here’s How To Tell Your Dates alking about sex isn\u2019t necessarily the most comfortable thing to do while you\u2019re… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7658,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7657"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7657"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7657\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7659,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7657\/revisions\/7659"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/7658"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7657"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7657"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pulsperry.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7657"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}