Turning Over My Will, Embracing faith, finding joy through recovery. Turning Over My Will,
My life wasn’t always joyful. The darkness of despair and the feeling of hopelessness consumed me until I could no longer pretend. My husband, noticing my struggles, urged me to seek help. Though I’d always been the one to help others, I knew he was right. That’s when I found a notice for a 12-step Depressed Group (DG). At the time, the group was just forming, but it felt like a lifeline. I had experience with 12-step programs, but I didn’t truly understand them until I started living it myself.
It was December of 1992 when I accepted that I was powerless over my depression. I was ready to do whatever DG offered, no matter how unconventional. I threw myself into working the steps, one by one, and followed the book’s guidance on how to manage my life. There weren’t any seasoned members in the group yet, but the process, the steps, and the supportive environment slowly began to help. By journaling and sharing my struggles, I gradually unraveled the mess inside me. Step 3, which asked me to turn my will and life over to the care of God, was especially transformative. My perception of a Higher Power shifted, and I realized the love and guidance were always there—I just had to accept it.
Five years later, I still attend DG meetings, not because I’m in that dark place anymore, but because of the joy and gratitude I now feel. Though some situations in my life haven’t improved, and even seem to be getting worse, I’ve learned that my spiritual journey is continually unfolding. My Higher Power is in control, and I trust the process, no matter what challenges arise.
