Why I Never Make My Son Say ‘Thank You’ or ‘Sorry’ – It Could Psychologically Traumatize Him
When it comes to parenting, there’s no one-size-fits-all method. Different families embrace a variety of styles, from strict discipline to more relaxed approaches. Emma, a 38-year-old mother, belongs to the latter group. Recently, she shared her heartfelt story with Bright Side, describing her journey to break free from the authoritarian parenting style she grew up with. Emma is now seeking advice from other parents, as her unconventional methods have sparked criticism, particularly from her husband and those around her.
Emma’s decision to parent differently stems from her own childhood experiences. Growing up, she was subjected to strict rules and high expectations from her parents, which left a lasting impact on her mental health. In her letter, she recalls, “My parents were authoritarian, and the pressure they put on me was immense. It led to anxiety and a strained relationship with them. For years, I didn’t realize how much it affected my self-esteem.”
Determined not to repeat the cycle, Emma decided that when she had children, she would raise them in a more compassionate and understanding environment. Her goal is to foster an atmosphere of love, respect, and open communication. “I want my son Georgie to feel heard and valued, something I didn’t always feel as a child,” Emma explains. “It’s important for him to learn empathy and responsibility, but I want to guide him through these lessons rather than impose them through strict rules.”
However, Emma’s approach has not been without challenges. Her husband believes that Georgie, now 8 years old, should learn more traditional social norms, including the importance of apologies and understanding consequences. This difference in parenting styles has led to frequent disagreements between the couple. Emma believes that forcing children to apologize when they don’t mean it can cause psychological harm. “I won’t make my son say sorry or thank you if he doesn’t genuinely feel it,” she states. “Forcing these behaviors can teach children to be insincere, and I don’t want that for Georgie.”
Emma’s philosophy was put to the test recently during an incident at the playground. When Georgie pushed another child, Emma chose not to demand an immediate apology. Instead, she approached the other child and apologized on her son’s behalf, hoping Georgie would observe her actions and learn from her example. However, the other child’s mother wasn’t satisfied with this response and insisted that Georgie apologize directly. “When I explained that I didn’t want to force him to apologize because it could be harmful, she called me a bad and irresponsible mother,” Emma recalls.
This incident added to the tension between Emma and her husband, who believes stricter discipline is necessary. Many of their friends and family members also disagree with Emma’s methods. “Some people think that being a good parent means controlling your child’s actions to maintain your reputation,” Emma says. “But I believe in being a friend to my son, helping him understand his emotions and navigate life together.”
Despite the criticism, Emma stands by her approach, which focuses on creating a nurturing environment where Georgie can develop a sense of freedom and responsibility. She emphasizes that her method doesn’t mean she ignores her role as a parent. “I’m not saying I’m equal to my son, but I don’t view myself as superior to him either,” she explains. “We have a strong bond, and when I need time to myself, I tell him. Now he’s learning to do the same with me.”
Still, the constant judgment from others has made Emma question whether she’s on the right path. As she concluded her letter, she wrote, “I’ve always believed in my parenting style, and I’ve seen positive results. But with all the criticism from my husband and other parents, I’m starting to doubt myself. I’d love to hear from other parents—what do you think of my approach?”
