10 Subtle Warning Signs Your Partner May Not Love You The Way You Deserve

Arguments Become Personal

Arguing in a relationship isn’t always bad, in fact it’s normal. But when your partner cannot separate you as a person from your mistakes, and uses fights as an excuse to degrade you, it might be time to let them go.

“Arguments that go from behaviors and actions that one partner doesn’t like to characteristics about the partner that they don’t like is not a good sign,” Dr. Klapow says. “When it moves from ‘I don’t like what you are doing’ to ‘I don’t like you’ there are problems. Try to focus on your partner’s actions versus who they are as a person. Personal attacks have no benefit, do not resolve arguments, and can lead to divorce.”

You Never Fight

It might seem like a relief that you’ve found a partner you don’t argue with. But never fighting is not healthy, and it could be a sign of lack of commitment on a long-term level.

“It’s hard to fight. If [you’re] not super committed to [your partner], and [they] do something that’s grating [your] nerves and pissing [you] off, [you’re] not going to invest the energy in discussing this with [your partner] because why bother?” Richardson says.

Ignoring your problems instead of addressing them will eventually drive a wedge between you and your partner. Richardson recommends addressing your problems, or questioning why you may not feel your relationship is worth that energy.

They Don’t Trust You With Small Things

It’s not just a lack of trust when it comes to fidelity that is a problem. If a partner doesn’t trust you with little things, like to be on time for a date, it might be a sign of deeper insecurities.

“If you or your partner do not trust each other the relationship is doomed,” Dr. Klapow says. “Trust can be on any topic — not only infidelity. Trust that they will be on time, that they will spend money wisely, that they care about you, that they will be emotionally available in crisis situations. All of these are paramount to the success of a relationship.”

They Ask You To Change Your Habits

We all have things that make us tick, loud chewers, people who clap when the plane lands. But if your partner starts telling you to change little things about yourself, it’s often a sign of deeper, toxic insecurity.

“[It’s a problem if] your partner asks you to change the way you eat, talk, interact, spend time, or look,” Dr. Klapow says. “They are looking for a change because they know deep down that the relationship could be over.”

If your partner continually asks you to change yourself to better suit them, confront them about it, or consider leaving the relationship.

Your Partner Seems A Bit Too Independent

You and your partner don’t need to spend every waking minute together, but if your partner seems to start scheduling their life without ever checking in with you, it might be sign that they’re not fully committed to your relationship.

“[It could be a problem if] they seem to schedule their life differently,” Dr. Klapow says. “They are happy, they are nice, but they seem to now never be around. It may be more work, more time with friends, but their schedule seems to include everyone but you. This is not a sign of cheating per se, but really a sign that they may be wanting to be connected to others and other activities more than you.”

Never Slip Up

It’s not easy to recognize a serial dater — that’s why they’re so good at what they do. But if your partner seems rom-com montage perfect, it may be a sign they have had a bit too much practice.

“When your date is not at all nervous, awkward and never at a loss for words; it can be impressive,” Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., licensed psychologist and author, tells Bustle. “A polished approach is very attractive and pleasant, but there could be a down side. It may indicate a ‘professional dater’ who’s been single a long time, dated a lot, and is highly practiced. If your date seems very slick, and enthusiastic, but doesn’t open up, has had many short relationships, or shies away from discussing personal details, don’t be too trusting.”

They Don’t Ask, They Tell

It can be nice when your partner steps up to make plans, but when your partner needs things to be done a certain way, or tells you what to do, it’s often a sign of deeper insecurity and potentially abuse.

“A date who has it all together, makes the arrangements, can’t wait to see you again, phones frequently, is intense and persuasive, always knows what [they want] to do, and arranges things to perfection often feels very good, at first,” Tessina says. “[…] Jealousy can be flattering, especially if your date wants to be exclusive right away, but it may be emotional instability, and become a chronic lack of trust and suspicion.”

Although this isn’t always the case, Tessina reminds us to be aware of the signs of emotional blackmail — not taking “no” for an answer, shooting down your ideas, pressuring you to do what they want, and using threatening or coercing tactics like threatening to end the relationship, crying, or rage.

They’re Possessive

Jealousy is often portrayed as a positive in relationships — it shows that your partner cares. But jealousy often isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship, it’s a sign of insecurity.

“Anger, control, and possessiveness are all warning signs that your date may have a control issue,” Tessina says. “[…] Until you know who you’re dealing with, be careful you’re not just being used. […] Users are often narcissistic, and really incapable of empathizing with you or recognizing your rights, needs and wants.”

They Have Negative Things To Say About Their Exes

If your partner only has negative things to say about their exes, it might be a sign that they have not learned from their mistakes in past relationships, and will blame you for relationship failures in the future.

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“If your date’s past relationships were […] always at fault and your date takes no responsibility, you could be the next one on that list,” Tessina says. “Every relationship disaster takes two. A healthy person does make mistakes, and people in relationships can grow apart, but your date should know what [they] could have done better.”