Your boyfriend, however, is fixated with this position to the exclusion of all else in bed, you say. I can’t come up with a physical reason why no other position would work for him. I can, however, come up with some other reasons.

He is not into or fearful of physical intimacy. Being inside your vagina is, of course, intimate. But I truly believe that kissing and eye contact are perhaps even more intimate. I’ve been with partners who did not enjoy or want to kiss, lingeringly or not, though it’s been quite rare. It was an immediate turn-off to me inside and outside the bedroom, and any prospect of an intimate relationship beyond just being fuck buddies or friends with benefits was off the table from my perspective. For a booty call, they may suffice…but I’m wired a bit differently. If all they wanted was PIV sex without the attendant making out and locking of lips, being held lovingly and passionately, embraced in a romantic and affectionate position – I’m not their man, and not just for that occasion.

I’ve heard from quite a few women over the years that their previous partner was all about the doggie style sex. They kissed out of obligation, not passionate desire. I don’t think it was a coincidence that more than a few of these men are now in gay relationships. I hope they’re happy and feel unburdened not having to reluctantly cater to their previous partner’s heterosexual needs when they themselves are most homosexual than not.

Of course, it doesn’t automatically mean your lover is disinclined to being sexual with women and wants to get it on with men instead. And here, dear OP, is the part that is hard for me to write: it may be you. Not that there is anything wrong with you – in bed and out – but he does not feel genuine emotional intimacy toward you, regardless of your feelings for him. Or perhaps he doesn’t know how to express those feelings, and so he indulges only in sexual positions that do not cater to emotional connection via kissing and eye contact.

How affectionate is he outside the bedroom with you? Do you two kiss at all? Do you two share activities and interests? Is he invested in you as much as you are into him? If so, how does he express his love and interest in you as a partner and lover?

Great sex does not mean you have a great relationship overall. But disengaged and perfunctory sex does mean you have problems with emotional and physical connection. Is it worth it to work through such issues? Only you can answer that.

You two need to have a heart-to-heart discussion. You need to confirm you’re both on the same page as far as your individual needs, wants, and desires. You need to confirm you both agree to let each other know if these needs, wants, and desires shift or otherwise change in terms of variety, intensity, or frequency. You need to confirm that you two both are invested enough with each other before doing the hard work of repairing a relationship that no longer works for one or both of you.

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