When Eric showed up to our first date with roses and a monogrammed gift, I thought I’d hit the jackpot. He was charming, thoughtful, and the perfect gentleman — even insisting on paying the bill with a firm, “A man pays on the first date.” I figured, why argue?The next morning, I woke up to a text from him. I expected a sweet message. Instead, I got an invoice. Yes — an actual, itemized invoice titled “Date Night – Amount Due.” It included charges like:
Bouquet of Roses: 1 hug, Custom Gift: 1 coffee date, Dinner & Tip: A guaranteed second date, Polite Conversation: /A compliment about his looks, At the bottom, it read: “Failure to comply may result in collection — via Chris.” (Chris being our mutual friend and the poor guy who vouched for him.) I was stunned. So was Mia, my best friend, who’d set us up. She showed the invoice to Chris, who was horrified — and inspired.
Within an hour, Chris sent Eric a revenge invoice, charging him for things like: Sitting at the Same Table as Her: Public apology, Pretending to Be a Gentleman: Introspection, Not Posting This Online: A generous gift he should be grateful for,
Eric blew up my phone with defensive texts, claiming I “missed out on a great guy.” I replied with a single thumbs-up emoji… and blocked him. Lesson learned: if a guy insists on paying the bill, make sure he doesn’t expect a romantic payment plan in return. (And yes — I kept the keychain. It’s now a trophy from the weirdest date of my life.)
